Down the memory lane

Blame it on my wife! She started it a few weeks ago right from the day I was born a few years ago. She coaxed me to introspect and start squeezing out the thoughts on what I wanted to do in my life, realize what I couldn't and what I could. I know she wanted to make worthwhile of a day that meant special to us. However, no introspection is complete without the trip down the memory lane. In my case I call those as the dark ages. I am positive everyone goes through the dark ages at least once in the life. And yes, not everything in memory is worth remembering, but I am glad I found a few pieces that I would want to share here.
All these works are my own. However, please do not try to read much into the lines. I assure you that "Dark Ages" should be considered as dark. Remember, coal is dark but there are diamonds hidden somewhere along. So these are my diamonds –
One day I won't be there
I don't know how we would fare
But certainly I tell you
I won't ever forget you
In dreams and in action
You'll have eyes in me
I'll be there even when you don't need me
You may not remember me
But I'll live by your memories
I'll comfort you through all miseries
And I'll give you all my life
One day when I won't be there
And if my thoughts bring tears
Precious are those pearls for me
Please don't let them go away at least for me

Togetherness contd

Still full of the joy of our anniversary and pondering over the bliss of togetherness, I want to take another deeper dive into some of the well-known couples to all of us. This time, I just want to touch upon the ideas that brought them together and how they complemented each oher. May be if we are able to imbibe some qualities, we can rise to some heights as described.

Ram and Sita

The Sita-Ram couple is definitely the most revered and most worthy candidate of an idealist couple. Sita is the most obedient wife and offers every comfort to Rama. Rama in turn, loves her the most and performs every duty as needed for a husband.

• Sita follows her husband, when he goes to the forest as exile to keep up with the laws / principles of the Raghu clan.
  
• Sita leads her life in simplicity though being a princess, just because her husband chooses to do so. Ram vows to take care of his wife and fulfills all her needs.
  
• Sita observes the chaste of her husband when he shooes away the deautiful form of Surpanakha. Rama is also known as Maryada Purushottama – the ideal ma who followed all rules and never looked at any other woman.
  
• Sita quietly follows the Raghukula dharma when she crosses the Lakshmana Rekha to feed the disguised demon king Ravana. Ram trustd Sita and went away to fulfill her request.
  
• Sita undergoes the fire test to prove her chaste after having been kept captive in Ravana's kingdom against her wishes. Ram accept Sita for whatever she is, but accepts the firetest to subside the questions from the society.
  
• Sita quietly accepts the rule of the land and proceeds to forest when the people question her chaste again in Ayodhya. In order to setup an ideal state and its rules, Ram sacrifices his and Sita's personal life.
  

Saraswati – Brahma

Amongst all the goddess, only Saraswati is revered for her knowledge and not for beauty or appearance. Saraswati provides the calm and stability to the otherwise ever-moving nature of Brahma. Whle Brahma is always tryis trying to create something new to satiate his desire, Saraswati provides the knowledge to understand the creation and its purpose.

Parvati – Shankara

Parvati transformed the ascetic hermit Shankara into a household to benefit the cosmos. She provides him a way to understand the nature, the creation and its purpose. She helps Shankara to get involved with the nature and help it grow its own course than sit aside and discard the flow. Even though Shiva or Shankara play his role of the destroyer in the nature, he has to play his part in growing the nature at the same time.

Radha – Krishna

The fair skinned Radha and the dark handsome Krishna have been the ideals of the lovers for the ages. Having personified the love themselves, the duo have been worshipped for ages for their selfless for each other. Like it or not, every couple today compares themselves to them all the time. Radha provides a contrasting yet complementing perception to the Krishna's image.

• The love of Radha – Krishna brings out the play of the nature
  
• Fair skinned Radha represents the multiple colors of nature, while the dark skinned Krishna merges with the colors to bring them to life
  
• Radha and Krishna's love together brings about the creation of the Raasleela – the play of the damsels and the ideas and the perceptions
  
• While Krishna plays the asura wrenching youth fighting the might of Kansa, Radha provides the peaceful consort who calms him down
  
• While Krishna goes around breaking all societal barriers and rituals, Radha provides the calm and loving balm to him and to the society that has been broken to the shackles.
  
• Owing to the pressures, Krishna moves on to marry Rukmini and settle in Dwarka, Radha on the other hand devotes herself and her life for Krishna.
  

Laskhmi – Vishnu

Lakshmi and Vishnu have been much talked about and how Lakshmi keeps herself by the side of Vishnu. Vishnu also takes care of Lakshmi just as if it was himself. They complement each other.

The point we see is that both the parties in the couple play an important role in coming together. Once they are a couple, it is very hard to say who is because of whom! Both resemble each other and both complete each other.

Togetherness

Recently my wife and I completed 12 years of togetherness. We were just going through the memory lane and realizing what worked for us and what did not! The years had been rollercoaster of events, emotions and actions. One thing that stood out most importantly was strengthening of the resolve that we will always be together.

I still dread the days when she goes out vacationing with our kids. Even with all the independence and the fun and frolicking with friends, there is a big void deep in the heart longing for the family. I was happy that we did share the same feeling.

While discussing, we digressed from ourselves and wondered how the other people fared – particularly those who remain single. Being a male-chauvinist (my wife often holds me up to that), I would try to delve into the stories involving the male spinsters. Spinster is a word used for describing an old childless woman who has never been married. However, for the lack of a better word, I call the male counterpart a Male Spinster!

There is a story from Skanda Purana which exemplifies the need for a marriage –

Sumedha and Somavata were two poor Brahmin priests. Since they were poor, no one was ready to give their daughters to them in marriage. They tried desperately to secure charity from the kings or queens to be able to lead a happy married life. They were directed to a generous queen Simantini, who offered generous gifts and lunch to a Brahmin couple every day. While Sumedha and Somavata pondered upon ways to receive charity from Simantini, they came up with an idea. Sumedha dressed up as a woman and accompanied Somavata into queen's palace. The queen Simantini, saw Sumedha and Somavata as Parvati and Shiva and worshipped them accordingly. She fed them nicely and offered rich gifts. Her offering was so piety that Sumedha did turn into a woman and developed a liking towards Somavata. Somavata then married his friend Sumdha and used the gifts from the queen to setup their home and live happily ever after.

The above story tells the effect of loneliness on a person and the extent to which one changes the behavior to get rid of the loneliness.

It is also said that being loved is far more important than loving someone. A feeling that you are wanted by someone can give you a boost in your attitude, personality and commitment.

There is another story from Koothandavar sthala purana that not only talk about loneliness but also the wish for being loved –

During the Mahabharata war, the Pandavas were advised to offer a sacrifice to goddess Kali. The sacrifice was supposed to be a youth with an unscarred perfect body to win the battle against Kauravas. The search for the suitable sacrificial candidate ended at Aravan – Arjuna's son from the Naga princess Ulupi. Aravan agreed to climb up the sacrificial altar upon one condition – he wanted a wife who would mourn for him. This was quite a difficult demand as no one wanted to marry a young prince who was to die the very next morning. Finally, Krishna took the disguise of Mohini and agreed to marry Aravan. Aravan treated her as his wife and was sacrificed the next morning. Upon his death Mohini mourned as Aravan's widow. Aravan upon his death became Lord Koothandavar whose temple is in the Koovagam village in Villupuram district of Tamil Nadu. It is said that every year there is an 18 day celebration in which Arvanis / Alis / eunuchs / transgender / transvestite people marry him for a night before his annual death. The celebration is for 18 days since Draupadi granted a boon to Aravan that he caould see the entire Mahabharata war even after his death. It is said that Aravan's head was mounted on a pole and his eyes were open to witness the war. Since then, Aravan's head is kept at the four corners of any temple to ward off spirits.

 

 

Sale

Last week all my friends and we went out shopping during the greatest shopping fever in USA – Black Friday. To add the icing, today is the Cyber Monday – thereby adding wonderful deals on the internet encouraging the shoppers to shop around if they missed anything on the Friday. While on the way back home and discussing our loots, we discussed how consumer centric have all the festivals became? The day – "Black Friday" was supposed to be the "day after thanksgiving". As a tradition, the family would get together for the dinner on Thanksgiving Day and discuss their ideas. Getting clues from the discussions, the enthusiasts would then go out and buy the gifts to place under the Christmas tree. And look what has Black Friday turned out to be?

Is this insane? Does this happens only in US? Don't we Indians, despise such an expose of consumerism?

NO.

Just look at the lines of the consumers hoarding at the jewelers to buy gold on "Akshaya Tritiya" or the large number of shoppers buying metal on "Dhanteras". Ever noticed, how all the sales are offered around the major festivals be it global or regional?

The question then asked is why is there a mixture of the rituals along with the sales to promote consumerism. Well, they have always been together.

All our religion and the holidays are geared towards expanding the culture and helping the society. Growth is measured in terms of the accumulation of wealth or the realization of Lakshmi. Almost all of our functions or holidays or events tell us to buy new clothes, articles or even idols of gods. These have become rituals as we have been following them the same way in the past and want to follow them in the similar manner. Consider the growth of the society in this cycle – A household works hard to accumulate Lakshmi. The household later spends the same in the market (or gives it to the business) to get something to appease him, show off his acquisition of Lakshmi and at the same time – to complete the ritual. The business which takes the money from the household, in turn passes it on to the others who continue to produce the articles for which the Lakshmi is exchanged. This is a cycle. The more you spend, the better is the society. The better is the society, the better you live. After all we all strive for a better life, aren't we?

This phenomenon has not spared the God either. Look at Vishnu. Clad in golden clothes, wearing different types of cosmetics and even multiple jewelry. To decorate an idol of Vishnu, one needs to get to a clothes merchant, a jeweler, an idol maker and probably a painter as well. These will in turn reach out to their own industry for the raw materials. Every incarnation of Vishnu has been business friendly considering this. On the other hand consider the Shivalinga – not a great business friendly example. But wait till Shiva is transformed into Shankara through marriage with Parvati or is attracted by the Mohini avatar of Vishnu.

This transformation is actually realization of the needs. This is what we call as Marketing in the B-School.

We – Indians have all of it in us – turning business friendly, warlike or even knowledge oriented at any given instance. It's tough to say who is what at the given moment.

Generosity – Different look this time!

My previous posts – "Generosity or Charity?" and "Generosity – contd." have been focused on the power and effects of giving. The act of giving and sharing s so beautiful in countless ways.

However, we have to be careful on what we want to give away and got to be cautious of what is being asked of us. This is the theme of my today's post.

We know we need to possess the material before we can pledge it to someone else or in easier words – give it away. What we do not have, cannot be given. At the same time, it doesn't takes much to share the love or spiritual comfort from within yourself.

As the luck would have it, meeting the requirements most of the time, renders a thought of being omnipotent. And this is where we tend to make mistakes and overlook the power of the ask.

Let ponder on some of the very well-known stories –

• Vaman and Bali – When the Asura king Bali became powerful and expelled the gods from their heavenly abode – Swarga, Vishnu took the avatar of a dwarf Brahmin and begged enough land as covered in his three steps. Shukracharya – the teacher of the asuras recognized Vishnu in the form of the dwarf Brahmin. And so did Bali as well. However, true to his word, Bali granted the wish and lost everything to the gods – even when he was forewarned by his teacher and intellect as well.
  
• Kaikeyi and Dashratha – Kaikeyi – Dashratha's third queen had once saved his life in the war. At this Dashratha granted her three wishes. Kaikeyi requested a raincheck on the offer and Dashratha happily granted the same. The three wishes concluded into what we recall as Rama's exile and Dashratha's demise.
  
• Satayavati and Shantanu – Satyavati asked for her sons to be the kings after Shantanu in return for a marital knot. Shantanu happily granted the wish when assured from his son – Devavrata. This innocent looking wish became the killer and wiped out almost every dynasty from the face of India in the Mahabharata war.
  
• Sita and Ram – Sita requested Ram to catch the golden deer for herself. Though realizing that such a thing doesn't exists, Ram teaches Lakshmana not to underestimate the power of nature. Bowing to Sita's request, he leaves her behind to be abducted b Ravana.
  
• Ravana and Sita – When Ram went hunting the golden deer on her behest, Sita heard a cry in her name. She persuaded Lakshmana to go and check on her husband. Reluctantly, Laksmana gives up on his task to look after Sita, sets out to the jungle looking for Rama. While he does so, he draws a circle all around the house and requests Sita not to step out. Upon his departure, Ravana enters in disguise of a sage and requests Sita to step out of the Lakshmana-Rekha and give him the food. Though fully aware of the line, Sita crosses it and is abducted.
  
• Indra and Karna – Indra's son – Arjuna and Karna are equal warriors. Karna swears to take the side of Duryodhana and also promises Kunti that only one of them – Arjuna or himself would be killed. Indra realizing the power of Suryadev in Karna, ask him for his armour and ear-lockets. Though Karna had been warned of such guile by Suryadev, he listens to Indra and gives away his ultimate protection.
  

Apart from these stories, there are countless stories wherein Mahadev – Shiva Shankar gave away the wishes to anyone who worshipped him. Thereby earning the name – "Bhole".

Not realizing the power of the ask is either arrogance or ignorance. Either ways, it is harmful.

Be careful in what you wish for and what you are asked for.

 

Generosity – contd.

Expanding on the thought I seeded in the previous blog, generosity is also the display of the mental state of the human being. This is seen through a comparison of two interesting stories from the Mahabharata.

Both the stories start on similar grounds with two friends spending their childhood together playing, learning and growing up. One of the two friends grows up to be a king and the other a poor Brahmin. Bowing to their family and financial pressure, the poor Brahmin friend goes to the king friend asking for help. Now the stories take different turns. In the first story, the Brahmin is unable to ask for any help. Yet the king understands the need and provides everything without being asked. In the second story, the poor Brahmin approaches his friend and demands for provisions as they discussed in the childhood. The king, in return, derides the Brahmin and throws him out of the court. The first story is of Krishna – Sudama, while the other is of Drupada – Drona. It's the denial and the ridicule in the second story that leads to the darkness in the Mahabharata. Drona and Drupada become sworn enemies and the Pandavas and Kauravas play the role of actors fulfilling their desires.

Let us look at the symbols shown in these stories. Both the stories show the poverty in the society. However, in one story the king understands and takes proper steps to bridge the gap. While in the other the king actually denies to bridge the gap, thereby increasing the discomfort.

Imbalance is the state of nature and can never be changed. A generous person spreads comfort for all around them. He or She supports everone with what they need – material comfort or the emotional comfort. At the same time, we know we can share only what we have. Hence a generous heart also represents a peaceful mind. And peace all around. Lack of generosity (not charity) results in the discomfort all around us.

A beautiful Rahim's couplet describes this thought –
"रहिमन वे नर मर चुके, जे कहू मंगन जाही,
उनते पहेले वे मुए, जिन मुख निकसत नहीं."
"Says Rahim, he who has to beg is no longer a man. But those who refuse were never men to begin with."

Generosity or Charity?

Generosity is often described as charity. Are they same? I believe not!

While charity is an act of giving away something from your possession to the needy, generosity is the spirit that helps you think about charity. Charity is materialistic and is related to tangible resources only. While generosity on the other hand involved intangible resources like love. A generous heart soothes the needy more than the charity.

Charity is transactional in nature – you give what is asked for – nothing more, nothing less. While generosity goes beyond the boundaries of transactions and gives away without being asked or looking for anything in return.

Throughout or vast history, there are stories of generous kings and their subjects that have stood out as examples of greatness. Be it Karna, Bali, Virochana, Bhoj etc. However, in each of the story we always focus on the act of charity than the spirit of generosity. All these great men gave what they had and much more, when asked. At the same time, there is another story of Krishna and Sudama where Sudama couldn't express his need to his friend, but gets everything in return. We might have read this story in terms of friendship, but this story talks a great deal about generosity as well.

You can be charitable by donating money, but when you do not have any money can you be generous? Yes. It doesn't takes money to embrace someone with a warm heart. Love is not diminished by sharing or giving. Infact, it only grows this way.

On this topic, I would like to relate a couplet from Rahim –

Ve Raheem Nar Dhanya Hai, Par Upkaari Ang |

Baatanwaare Ko Lagai, Jyo Mehdi Ko Rang ||

"Those people are blessed who have charity inscribed on each and every cell of their body. Those who offer fragrance to others are always full of fragrance."