Togetherness

Recently my wife and I completed 12 years of togetherness. We were just going through the memory lane and realizing what worked for us and what did not! The years had been rollercoaster of events, emotions and actions. One thing that stood out most importantly was strengthening of the resolve that we will always be together.

I still dread the days when she goes out vacationing with our kids. Even with all the independence and the fun and frolicking with friends, there is a big void deep in the heart longing for the family. I was happy that we did share the same feeling.

While discussing, we digressed from ourselves and wondered how the other people fared – particularly those who remain single. Being a male-chauvinist (my wife often holds me up to that), I would try to delve into the stories involving the male spinsters. Spinster is a word used for describing an old childless woman who has never been married. However, for the lack of a better word, I call the male counterpart a Male Spinster!

There is a story from Skanda Purana which exemplifies the need for a marriage –

Sumedha and Somavata were two poor Brahmin priests. Since they were poor, no one was ready to give their daughters to them in marriage. They tried desperately to secure charity from the kings or queens to be able to lead a happy married life. They were directed to a generous queen Simantini, who offered generous gifts and lunch to a Brahmin couple every day. While Sumedha and Somavata pondered upon ways to receive charity from Simantini, they came up with an idea. Sumedha dressed up as a woman and accompanied Somavata into queen's palace. The queen Simantini, saw Sumedha and Somavata as Parvati and Shiva and worshipped them accordingly. She fed them nicely and offered rich gifts. Her offering was so piety that Sumedha did turn into a woman and developed a liking towards Somavata. Somavata then married his friend Sumdha and used the gifts from the queen to setup their home and live happily ever after.

The above story tells the effect of loneliness on a person and the extent to which one changes the behavior to get rid of the loneliness.

It is also said that being loved is far more important than loving someone. A feeling that you are wanted by someone can give you a boost in your attitude, personality and commitment.

There is another story from Koothandavar sthala purana that not only talk about loneliness but also the wish for being loved –

During the Mahabharata war, the Pandavas were advised to offer a sacrifice to goddess Kali. The sacrifice was supposed to be a youth with an unscarred perfect body to win the battle against Kauravas. The search for the suitable sacrificial candidate ended at Aravan – Arjuna's son from the Naga princess Ulupi. Aravan agreed to climb up the sacrificial altar upon one condition – he wanted a wife who would mourn for him. This was quite a difficult demand as no one wanted to marry a young prince who was to die the very next morning. Finally, Krishna took the disguise of Mohini and agreed to marry Aravan. Aravan treated her as his wife and was sacrificed the next morning. Upon his death Mohini mourned as Aravan's widow. Aravan upon his death became Lord Koothandavar whose temple is in the Koovagam village in Villupuram district of Tamil Nadu. It is said that every year there is an 18 day celebration in which Arvanis / Alis / eunuchs / transgender / transvestite people marry him for a night before his annual death. The celebration is for 18 days since Draupadi granted a boon to Aravan that he caould see the entire Mahabharata war even after his death. It is said that Aravan's head was mounted on a pole and his eyes were open to witness the war. Since then, Aravan's head is kept at the four corners of any temple to ward off spirits.