Togetherness

Recently my wife and I completed 12 years of togetherness. We were just going through the memory lane and realizing what worked for us and what did not! The years had been rollercoaster of events, emotions and actions. One thing that stood out most importantly was strengthening of the resolve that we will always be together.

I still dread the days when she goes out vacationing with our kids. Even with all the independence and the fun and frolicking with friends, there is a big void deep in the heart longing for the family. I was happy that we did share the same feeling.

While discussing, we digressed from ourselves and wondered how the other people fared – particularly those who remain single. Being a male-chauvinist (my wife often holds me up to that), I would try to delve into the stories involving the male spinsters. Spinster is a word used for describing an old childless woman who has never been married. However, for the lack of a better word, I call the male counterpart a Male Spinster!

There is a story from Skanda Purana which exemplifies the need for a marriage –

Sumedha and Somavata were two poor Brahmin priests. Since they were poor, no one was ready to give their daughters to them in marriage. They tried desperately to secure charity from the kings or queens to be able to lead a happy married life. They were directed to a generous queen Simantini, who offered generous gifts and lunch to a Brahmin couple every day. While Sumedha and Somavata pondered upon ways to receive charity from Simantini, they came up with an idea. Sumedha dressed up as a woman and accompanied Somavata into queen's palace. The queen Simantini, saw Sumedha and Somavata as Parvati and Shiva and worshipped them accordingly. She fed them nicely and offered rich gifts. Her offering was so piety that Sumedha did turn into a woman and developed a liking towards Somavata. Somavata then married his friend Sumdha and used the gifts from the queen to setup their home and live happily ever after.

The above story tells the effect of loneliness on a person and the extent to which one changes the behavior to get rid of the loneliness.

It is also said that being loved is far more important than loving someone. A feeling that you are wanted by someone can give you a boost in your attitude, personality and commitment.

There is another story from Koothandavar sthala purana that not only talk about loneliness but also the wish for being loved –

During the Mahabharata war, the Pandavas were advised to offer a sacrifice to goddess Kali. The sacrifice was supposed to be a youth with an unscarred perfect body to win the battle against Kauravas. The search for the suitable sacrificial candidate ended at Aravan – Arjuna's son from the Naga princess Ulupi. Aravan agreed to climb up the sacrificial altar upon one condition – he wanted a wife who would mourn for him. This was quite a difficult demand as no one wanted to marry a young prince who was to die the very next morning. Finally, Krishna took the disguise of Mohini and agreed to marry Aravan. Aravan treated her as his wife and was sacrificed the next morning. Upon his death Mohini mourned as Aravan's widow. Aravan upon his death became Lord Koothandavar whose temple is in the Koovagam village in Villupuram district of Tamil Nadu. It is said that every year there is an 18 day celebration in which Arvanis / Alis / eunuchs / transgender / transvestite people marry him for a night before his annual death. The celebration is for 18 days since Draupadi granted a boon to Aravan that he caould see the entire Mahabharata war even after his death. It is said that Aravan's head was mounted on a pole and his eyes were open to witness the war. Since then, Aravan's head is kept at the four corners of any temple to ward off spirits.

 

 

Sale

Last week all my friends and we went out shopping during the greatest shopping fever in USA – Black Friday. To add the icing, today is the Cyber Monday – thereby adding wonderful deals on the internet encouraging the shoppers to shop around if they missed anything on the Friday. While on the way back home and discussing our loots, we discussed how consumer centric have all the festivals became? The day – "Black Friday" was supposed to be the "day after thanksgiving". As a tradition, the family would get together for the dinner on Thanksgiving Day and discuss their ideas. Getting clues from the discussions, the enthusiasts would then go out and buy the gifts to place under the Christmas tree. And look what has Black Friday turned out to be?

Is this insane? Does this happens only in US? Don't we Indians, despise such an expose of consumerism?

NO.

Just look at the lines of the consumers hoarding at the jewelers to buy gold on "Akshaya Tritiya" or the large number of shoppers buying metal on "Dhanteras". Ever noticed, how all the sales are offered around the major festivals be it global or regional?

The question then asked is why is there a mixture of the rituals along with the sales to promote consumerism. Well, they have always been together.

All our religion and the holidays are geared towards expanding the culture and helping the society. Growth is measured in terms of the accumulation of wealth or the realization of Lakshmi. Almost all of our functions or holidays or events tell us to buy new clothes, articles or even idols of gods. These have become rituals as we have been following them the same way in the past and want to follow them in the similar manner. Consider the growth of the society in this cycle – A household works hard to accumulate Lakshmi. The household later spends the same in the market (or gives it to the business) to get something to appease him, show off his acquisition of Lakshmi and at the same time – to complete the ritual. The business which takes the money from the household, in turn passes it on to the others who continue to produce the articles for which the Lakshmi is exchanged. This is a cycle. The more you spend, the better is the society. The better is the society, the better you live. After all we all strive for a better life, aren't we?

This phenomenon has not spared the God either. Look at Vishnu. Clad in golden clothes, wearing different types of cosmetics and even multiple jewelry. To decorate an idol of Vishnu, one needs to get to a clothes merchant, a jeweler, an idol maker and probably a painter as well. These will in turn reach out to their own industry for the raw materials. Every incarnation of Vishnu has been business friendly considering this. On the other hand consider the Shivalinga – not a great business friendly example. But wait till Shiva is transformed into Shankara through marriage with Parvati or is attracted by the Mohini avatar of Vishnu.

This transformation is actually realization of the needs. This is what we call as Marketing in the B-School.

We – Indians have all of it in us – turning business friendly, warlike or even knowledge oriented at any given instance. It's tough to say who is what at the given moment.

Generosity – Different look this time!

My previous posts – "Generosity or Charity?" and "Generosity – contd." have been focused on the power and effects of giving. The act of giving and sharing s so beautiful in countless ways.

However, we have to be careful on what we want to give away and got to be cautious of what is being asked of us. This is the theme of my today's post.

We know we need to possess the material before we can pledge it to someone else or in easier words – give it away. What we do not have, cannot be given. At the same time, it doesn't takes much to share the love or spiritual comfort from within yourself.

As the luck would have it, meeting the requirements most of the time, renders a thought of being omnipotent. And this is where we tend to make mistakes and overlook the power of the ask.

Let ponder on some of the very well-known stories –

• Vaman and Bali – When the Asura king Bali became powerful and expelled the gods from their heavenly abode – Swarga, Vishnu took the avatar of a dwarf Brahmin and begged enough land as covered in his three steps. Shukracharya – the teacher of the asuras recognized Vishnu in the form of the dwarf Brahmin. And so did Bali as well. However, true to his word, Bali granted the wish and lost everything to the gods – even when he was forewarned by his teacher and intellect as well.
  
• Kaikeyi and Dashratha – Kaikeyi – Dashratha's third queen had once saved his life in the war. At this Dashratha granted her three wishes. Kaikeyi requested a raincheck on the offer and Dashratha happily granted the same. The three wishes concluded into what we recall as Rama's exile and Dashratha's demise.
  
• Satayavati and Shantanu – Satyavati asked for her sons to be the kings after Shantanu in return for a marital knot. Shantanu happily granted the wish when assured from his son – Devavrata. This innocent looking wish became the killer and wiped out almost every dynasty from the face of India in the Mahabharata war.
  
• Sita and Ram – Sita requested Ram to catch the golden deer for herself. Though realizing that such a thing doesn't exists, Ram teaches Lakshmana not to underestimate the power of nature. Bowing to Sita's request, he leaves her behind to be abducted b Ravana.
  
• Ravana and Sita – When Ram went hunting the golden deer on her behest, Sita heard a cry in her name. She persuaded Lakshmana to go and check on her husband. Reluctantly, Laksmana gives up on his task to look after Sita, sets out to the jungle looking for Rama. While he does so, he draws a circle all around the house and requests Sita not to step out. Upon his departure, Ravana enters in disguise of a sage and requests Sita to step out of the Lakshmana-Rekha and give him the food. Though fully aware of the line, Sita crosses it and is abducted.
  
• Indra and Karna – Indra's son – Arjuna and Karna are equal warriors. Karna swears to take the side of Duryodhana and also promises Kunti that only one of them – Arjuna or himself would be killed. Indra realizing the power of Suryadev in Karna, ask him for his armour and ear-lockets. Though Karna had been warned of such guile by Suryadev, he listens to Indra and gives away his ultimate protection.
  

Apart from these stories, there are countless stories wherein Mahadev – Shiva Shankar gave away the wishes to anyone who worshipped him. Thereby earning the name – "Bhole".

Not realizing the power of the ask is either arrogance or ignorance. Either ways, it is harmful.

Be careful in what you wish for and what you are asked for.

 

Generosity – contd.

Expanding on the thought I seeded in the previous blog, generosity is also the display of the mental state of the human being. This is seen through a comparison of two interesting stories from the Mahabharata.

Both the stories start on similar grounds with two friends spending their childhood together playing, learning and growing up. One of the two friends grows up to be a king and the other a poor Brahmin. Bowing to their family and financial pressure, the poor Brahmin friend goes to the king friend asking for help. Now the stories take different turns. In the first story, the Brahmin is unable to ask for any help. Yet the king understands the need and provides everything without being asked. In the second story, the poor Brahmin approaches his friend and demands for provisions as they discussed in the childhood. The king, in return, derides the Brahmin and throws him out of the court. The first story is of Krishna – Sudama, while the other is of Drupada – Drona. It's the denial and the ridicule in the second story that leads to the darkness in the Mahabharata. Drona and Drupada become sworn enemies and the Pandavas and Kauravas play the role of actors fulfilling their desires.

Let us look at the symbols shown in these stories. Both the stories show the poverty in the society. However, in one story the king understands and takes proper steps to bridge the gap. While in the other the king actually denies to bridge the gap, thereby increasing the discomfort.

Imbalance is the state of nature and can never be changed. A generous person spreads comfort for all around them. He or She supports everone with what they need – material comfort or the emotional comfort. At the same time, we know we can share only what we have. Hence a generous heart also represents a peaceful mind. And peace all around. Lack of generosity (not charity) results in the discomfort all around us.

A beautiful Rahim's couplet describes this thought –
"रहिमन वे नर मर चुके, जे कहू मंगन जाही,
उनते पहेले वे मुए, जिन मुख निकसत नहीं."
"Says Rahim, he who has to beg is no longer a man. But those who refuse were never men to begin with."

Generosity or Charity?

Generosity is often described as charity. Are they same? I believe not!

While charity is an act of giving away something from your possession to the needy, generosity is the spirit that helps you think about charity. Charity is materialistic and is related to tangible resources only. While generosity on the other hand involved intangible resources like love. A generous heart soothes the needy more than the charity.

Charity is transactional in nature – you give what is asked for – nothing more, nothing less. While generosity goes beyond the boundaries of transactions and gives away without being asked or looking for anything in return.

Throughout or vast history, there are stories of generous kings and their subjects that have stood out as examples of greatness. Be it Karna, Bali, Virochana, Bhoj etc. However, in each of the story we always focus on the act of charity than the spirit of generosity. All these great men gave what they had and much more, when asked. At the same time, there is another story of Krishna and Sudama where Sudama couldn't express his need to his friend, but gets everything in return. We might have read this story in terms of friendship, but this story talks a great deal about generosity as well.

You can be charitable by donating money, but when you do not have any money can you be generous? Yes. It doesn't takes money to embrace someone with a warm heart. Love is not diminished by sharing or giving. Infact, it only grows this way.

On this topic, I would like to relate a couplet from Rahim –

Ve Raheem Nar Dhanya Hai, Par Upkaari Ang |

Baatanwaare Ko Lagai, Jyo Mehdi Ko Rang ||

"Those people are blessed who have charity inscribed on each and every cell of their body. Those who offer fragrance to others are always full of fragrance."

Victimization of Self

"I could have done better in the exams, if the neighbor had kept the music on a lower volume"

"These stupid people don't know when to stop partying. Can't they see I'm focusing for my interview?"

"I find happiness in other's happiness. I have given away myself for the others."

I am sure, we all come across such statements every day. We often know and revere the originators of such statements.

May I please have the liberty to hurt your feelings and call these revered people as cowards?

Yes these people are cowards who shy away from taking the responsibilities on their head and solving it. It is the easiest path for anyone to walk away from our responsibilities. After all, the world was created by the God for all of us to live happily or live with the consequences of our choices. God made all of us equal – giving the choice and the ability to think through. Then why do we blame someone else for our happiness? It is because we do not want to take up the responsibility on our shoulders and work towards it! Why do you think most of us complain about our boss or the workplace? Because, if you do not complain of them, the responsibility of your growth falls on you!

May a times we also find some people who not only complain of everything, make you the reason for their suffering too!. Be careful. Life is what we choose it to be. Never a bed of roses – we all know for sure. Every action or inaction in life has its consequence. I learnt somewhere that leaders are not who always take the right decisions, but those who make their decisions and live by the same.

Vacancies – Positions open – Deva or Asura?

We have all heard innumerable stories about the Devas or Suras and their arch-rivals Asuras. The story of their enmity has often taken heights and has been showcased by multiple high grossing Hollywood as well as Bollywood movies. Do you know that there are positions available amongst the Suras and Asuras equally if you are interested?

Many of us might recall the Sura and Asura are both brothers from the same father – Maharishi Kashyap but different mothers – Diti and Aditi. Due to their constant strife for power they are both assigned different homes – the sky (Heaven or Swarga) and underground (Patala), We have always visualized the Suras as the nice looking heroes who are always struggling to keep ugly looking, wrong doing Asuras at bay from capturing their abode.

Let's take a slightly distorted view and consider them equal and then understand them both!

• Both Devatas and Asuras are the offspring of the same maharishi.
  
• They are both the creatures of the same God – Lord Brahma
  
• They both fight for the same Lakshmi
  

However, there are a few differences as well –

• The Devatas strive to maintain their abode in Swarga, they never venture out of their territory. The Asuras on the other hand, do not consider the territory to be the binding factor. They are always looking to increase their territory.
  
• The Devatas always strive to keep the Lakshmi, while the Asuras always strive to get Lakshmi.
  
• The Devatas represent stagnation while the Asuras represent growth. 
  
• It is almost always seen that the killing of Asuras liberates or makes Lakshmi, while a downfall of Devata brings sadness
  
• Thefight amongst them is vertical – Up vs Down
  

So are the Asuras evil? Remember, "Evil" means absence of God. But we know, that the God is omnipresent and omniscient and nothing exists if God I not present!

So are Asuras evil? Nope. They are what the Devas are not. They represent the industriousness, relentlessness, hard work, ambition and growth. The only thing they lack is adherence to Dharma. For them the growth is their dharma. Throughout their quest for Lakshmi, they do not care for Saraswati – the goddess of knowledge. In little times, when they do care for Saraswati, it is to get Lakshmi and forget Saraswati later. Hence this phenomenon is referred to as VidyaLakshmi.

Remember the good Asuras who created legend for all of us – Prahalad (son of Hiranyakashyap) and his descendents – Virochan, Bali. Virochana – Prahlada's son followed the path of dharma and believed that his salvation would come if he helped others in their desires. Vishnu desires his neck and Virochana gives it away by beheading himself. Bali, his son, is no different! Bali gave away his entire empire to "Vaman Deva" – an incarnation of Vishnu only to live in Patala (Underground). What we do not realize is that the growing size of the Vamana avatara of Vishnu represents the growing form of the human desires.

Like it or not, the story says that there were good Asuras and there were bad Suras too. Being industrious and hardworking, the Asuras kept creating Lakshmi. Lakshmi on the other hand, came to being when the underground was mined or worked upon or killing of Asuras – choose what you like.

Probably, this is the reason why God likes them too. But the God creates a delicate balance for the nature to survive!

None of them bad! They both have good qualities. Choose what you are and when!