Understanding Kali

In my last post we saw how the classification of the females depended upon their measurement against the social periphery or the “Lakshman Rekha”.  We saw how the society called the fearless, strong and self-willed women as Kali. However, do we even know who is Kali? 

Many or all from the region of Bengal and North-East India have worshipped Kali and have known her for ages. Almost every region of India has known Kali in different forms and in different descript. Most of us though know Kali for being a naked goddess instilling fear in the hearts of those who do wrong. Kali is the ultimate power of destruction, destroying every last bit of attachment and thus marks a new beginning. Known for her endless powers and a fearful form, Kali is thus more popular in the Tantric approach of Hinduism. 

I shall try my level best in understanding her and describing her for you and myself. 

Kali’s form needs no description, as we all must have seen her as a dark skinned, blood thirsty, naked goddess with unbound hair and tongue sticking out, holding a head in one hand and a trident in another. Kali in this form represents a totality of nature and complements Gauri in her form of a Goddess. Together Kali and Gauri represent the material aspect of nature – wild, untamed (Kali) and domesticated, tamed (Gauri).  The completeness of circle as a creator, sustainer and destroyer, Kali and Gauri depict the spiritual aspect of nature. Notice the parallels from the Shiva and Vishnu devotees. The devotees of Kali and Gauri together are known as Shaktas as they worship the “Shakti” – the female power that dominates the trinity. 

In some of the most observed forms of Kali, certain distinguishing features are noted as follows – 

• Outstretched tongue – In one of the prominent stories, Shiva and Vishnu requested Kali’s help in fighting a demon named “Rakta Bija”. The demon had a boon that every drop of his blood that touches the earth will spring up as his clone. Kali not only defeated the demon, but stretched her tongue to drink his blood till the last drop. This is why in many parts of the country, sacrificial offerings are made to the goddess and her tongue is smeared with the blood from the sacrifice.

• Dark complexion – The name “Kali” represents black or darkness. Kali is associated with everything black – her hair, her skin, her priests wear black, she is worshipped on the new moon “black” nights and is worshipped in the company of black cats. The black Kali is known as Shamshaana Kali and is enshrined in crematoria. Artists often render a blue or purple version of Kali. The blue or purple Kali are actually BhadraKali and DakshinaKali who are worshipped in the households and community temples.

• Unbound hair – Kali’s unbridled, unbound hair depict her challenging the social norm. the social norms suggest a virgin and a married woman to keep her hairs tied and neatly bridled. At the same time, the society shaves off the head of a widow. In such a society, unbound hair represents independence and defiance. Remember Draupadi untying her hair in defiance of Kuru kingdom and vowing to tie her hair only when washed with Dushasan’s blood. 

• Garland of heads, gridles of arms – Kali is seen to be wearing a garland made of human heads – invariably featuring moustaches and virility on them. According to scriptures, there once was a demon that had a boon that id his head falls on ground, the entire world shall explode into flames. Thus the goddess protects the world by hearing his head on her neck. However, in a different context, these are men who have sacrificed themselves to her or the worldly ties seeking the complete truth with her blessing. The gridles of arms around the waist is an artistic representation, which is not seen, in early scriptures. This is also considered as Kali cutting down the corpses of her believers, thus liberating them from the cycle of rebirth. 

• Nakedness – Kali’s nakedness is another form of social defiance and suggests how she depicts the unlimited powers that cannot be bound by the codes of the society. She lives in the forest where nakedness has no meaning. Covering of the nakedness is considered a form of domestication. Draupadi’s disrobing is also considered as an act of defying the social code and thus invoking the bloodthirsty goddess. 

• Body – While the Puranic and Tantic scriptures differ in their description of Kali, the differences come from how they view the goddess. The Puranic scriptures instill fear through Kali while Tantric scriptures consider her gentleness through her beautiful body.

• Four hands – Kali also has four hands similar to most of the gods and goddesses in the Hindu mythology. Depending on the scripture and the form being worshipped, the four hands may hold a variety of weapons - scimitar, sickle, scythe, sword, axe, trident or whip. In one of her hands, she holds a freshly cut male head and the other hand holds a cup to collect all the dripping blood. The cup is usually cranium of a skull. In the household version of Kali, her hands take the postures of Abhay Mudra or Varada Mudra associated with protection and blessing. Kali is never seen to hold anything associated with fertility. Devi or Gauri serv that purpose.

• Posture – Kali is seen to be walking from the south and comes to a freeze when she steps on Shiva. Kali is seen to have put her left foot on Shiva. Left is considered to be feminine instincts and right is considered as the male logic. Thus, Shiva restricts Kali’s urge to be wild and free. Narratives tell us that this is to safeguard culture. Kali after killing the demons is wild and untamed. She is so fearful and looses all control until Shiva intervenes.

• Surroundings – Kali is always seen amidst death and decay – battlegrounds and cremation grounds. Battlegrounds see the collapse of the social structure and the violence inside the men. The cremation ground shows the victory of nature over the human instincts.

• Companions – Kali’s male companions include Virabhadra or the eight bhairavas who are the fierce manifestations of Shiva himself. Kali’s female companions include hags (dakinis), witches (yoginis), mothers (matrikas) and virgins (kumaris). Cats are considered sacred in Kali scriptures. In line with her subduing the male ego, Kali rides a male cat – the lion. Kali is also seen as riding a bull-elephant symbolizing domestication of the male ego.  Kali also rides dogs as they symbolize death and are considered inauspicious. Kali is also associated with snakes for them being symbols of renewal. 

Lakshmana Rekha – The boundary for females

For the last couple of weeks, I have been tied down to a corner due to my broken foot. I am unable to move and unable to do anything. On top of it all, the painkiller keeps me drowsy and throws me off-balance when concentrating on something important. Yet we are doing well. My family is well taken care of and the kids are happy. All thanks to my wife who stood up as a pillar on whom the household stands. True, everyone has cracked jokes at her for her being busy with her community work. I am sure that they do realize the load she carries on her shoulders of taking care of her two daughters and a grown up kid.
Last evening I was watching one of the soap-operas on the television, where the lady of the house takes it on herself to expose the bad guys all around the work place playing with the lives of their co-workers slyly. Despite of her solid plan, she failed in her attempt as the evil guys got to know of her plan somehow. The situation was then turned in such a way that the lady became the culprit and a villain to the social structure. Probably, the only folly of her plan right from inception was working alone. She had never included her family or told them about her ideas. Even the family turned against her and saw only what was shown as the situation demanded. At the same time all the evil male members walked freely laughing at the poor protagonist.
I'd like to ask, why? Why such a social structure when it comes to the females and not the males? Why do we blame only the females in cases of any untoward happening and not the male counterpart for having indicted such an indecent behavior upon the girl? A few months ago when another horrific crime against women came to the fore, nobody gave a wink. No matter what people said, at the end everyone exclaimed the girl shouldn't have had done this. Many years ago when I was in college, a few friends of mine used to have fun dancing in front of any marriage procession passing by the hostel. Encouraged by this fun activity of theirs, a few female students too joined in dancing. Guess what, a few boys from the procession tried to take advantage of the girls and later also tried to abduct them when walking alone. As common sense prevailed, the girls were reprimanded for their behavior while the boys were left alone. Poor girl students were blamed for trying to have fun even within their limits.
Many a times we forget it is the same female who is playing the role of a daughter, sister, wife, mother, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, daughter-in-law or a friend. She is the one who assumes different roles as per the demands of the situation and adapts herself so well that we have a happy household. She adapts herself and balances between the many relations that are near and dear to us. How many times do we – males – play these many different roles? I am positive a good percentage of us leave the relationship to our better halves to manage. We are so busy or pretend to be busy in playing the role of a provider to the family that we do not pay heed to the rest. Then why blame the woman?
To a good extent I blame the Lakshman from Ramayana for this apathy towards females. It was the single act of creating a "Lakshmana Rekha" and suggesting to Sita that she would be safe within the confines of the boundaries made by him. The boundary representing the captivation of the female was thus introduced to us. Ravana requested Sita to step out of the boundary and he abducted her on doing so. We all know what happened later. Even though Rama killed Ravana and Sita gave the chastity test by passing through fire, Rama exiled Sita to live in forest as her image had blemished. Creating boundaries around oneself is not natural. It is nature's tendency and the progressive path that is expands in all directions. One may try to contain it, but someday the boundaries are broken. In an artistic and even scientific notation, such a behavior is well represented by a circle. And a boundary to contain the females, restricting their growth is best represented as a square bound inside the circle. Dr Pattnaik has given a beautiful explanation of this figure and has tried to identify the female role models who try to break out of this square to expand themselves.

All men are created equal, but some are more equal

When Thomas Jefferson wrote the US Declaration of Independence, he coined the famous phrase "All men are created equal". For centuries since then the phrase has gained popularity and has exuberated its meaning in different forms. The phrase has been used in decorating the speeches, writings and reflecting the intellectual bent of mind by many. Well, I am not untouched by the vast sense of meaning of the phrase either. I love it!
The challenge though comes with what follows the initial phrase – "All men are created equal,…..". It is left for the others to supplement the phrase with additional words forming a statement. And this too has been a very populist subject. I remember in the late 1990's, the editorial of one of the leading newspapers of its time used the phrase to cause quite a stir. It read – "All men are created equal, but some are more equal". This became one of the common themes for essays, group discussions, debates and other literary works. To top it all, it was used as screener to filter out eligible candidates from future jobs or colleges.
I guess, we rethink the statement and question its validity – how can some be more equal when everyone is equal?
It's been a classical management problem of comparing samples for equality and then classification based on the differences. If there was no difference, where did classification come from? Mostly the comparison happens based on the tangible attributes – possessions, family, caste and creed. The intangible attributes are actually overlooked because they cannot be measured. And anything that cannot be measured, cannot be compared.
A staple food during lunch in the north of India is chapatti and pulses. Almost everyone eats the same food. But no two kitchens produce the same taste of pulses or cooks exactly the same type of chapatti. In south of India, invariably everyone easts sambhar and rice. But they are never the same across the various kitchens despite using the same ingredients. Almost all of us went to school wearing the uniforms. Yet not all of us were the same. Each one of us grew up hearing the stories from Ramayana or Mahabharata. But we all heard the same stories in a different way. Some days we empathized with Rama, while the other day we empathized with Surpanakha, who was punished for voicing her love. It's these subtle messages that start shaping up the mind with the thoughts and later become opinions. And before you know the person next door having the same meals as you and listening to the same stories turns out to be different from you.
The 3B Model "Business = Behavior = Belief" is very well explained by Dr Devdutta Pattnaik. And trust me it holds true 100% of the time. It states that the Business or an act of transaction is affected by the behavior of the parties involved. And the behavior is affected by the beliefs of everyone involved in this transaction. While you can measure the transaction, you are unable to measure the behavior. In order to understand the expected behavior, you must try to understand their beliefs. The beliefs or the thoughts and opinions define the stance one takes while in a situation.
When Thomas Jefferson wrote "All men are created equal", he certainly missed the inequality that the men created amongst themselves.

Paati - Letter

पाती तुम्हें लिख रहा हूँ,
दिल थाम कर पढ़ना।
बातें तो बहुत हैं,
पर आज कुछ विशेष है कहना।
चाहो तो मुझे ही दोषी कहना,
पर मेरा हाल भी समझना।
जो सपने हमने देखे थे,
उन्हें जीवन मत समझना।
जिन राहों पर चलना था,
उन पर बबूल उग आये हैं, ज़रा देखना।
मेरा धीमे चलना तुम्हें नापसंद था,
पर तेज चलना कठिन है, ज़रा समझना।
तुम दूर जा चुकी हो,
पर मुझे आज भी अपने आंसुओं में पाना।
अब जो भी है, वही जीवन है,
इस जीवन को सुख से जीना।
मैंने भी जीवन से बहुत सीखा है,
तुम मेरी चिंता मत करना।
अब भी सपने देखना,
पर मुझे नायक मत बनाना।
इस संदेसे को खूब पढ़ना,
और जो अनकहा है, वह भी समझना।
दोषी न तुम हो, न मैं,
पर इस सज़ा को तो पड़ेगा सहना।
मैं हर गम सह लूँगा,
बस तुम्हारे सुख की ही करूंगा कामना।
फिर से विनती करता हूँ, कभी अलविदा ना कहना,
मुझे अपने आँसुओं में छुपा कर रखना।
पाती तुम्हें भेज रहा हूँ,
दिल थाम कर पढ़ना। 

Nine days & Nine ways of Navratri

The more I learn, the more I am amazed and realize how little do I know! 
I wrote about Navratri and its significance a few months ago - Navratri. Also, I tried to explain the Golu puja as per Tamil tradition in my previous blog - Celebrating Navratri through toys – Golu. In these blogs, I did cover and explain the importance of each of the nine days of Navratri. 

Decked up in beautiful shimmery attires people were dancing to the tunes of Bhajans and Bollwood numbers on the Dandiya floor. Being heavy on foot, I silently watched them from a corner. Though Garba and Dandiya dances are folk dances of Gujarat, I saw friends from almost every part of India and even foreigners enjoying in the dance. And then I started thinking of how the same festival is being celebrated by many in different ways. I shall try my best to summarize the nine different traditions being followed in different parts of the country for this fantastic festival. 

1. Uttar Pradesh - The land of Rama has a lot to offer during the Navratri. Almost every one locality hosts a Ram Leela on the nights of Navratri. Local actors play the various roles from Ramayana depicting the stories and reliving the Ram Rajya. The drama finally culminates in the killing of Ravana on the Dusseha day followed by burning effigies of Ravana, Kumbhakarana and Meghnad. The burning of effigies is followed by fireworks display and much fanfare. The day after the Dussehra, also has a special attraction – a procession locally known as “Bharat Milaap” – signifying Ram’s return from exile to Ayodhya. During this journey, Rama is joined with many other gods and important people on the way. The journey completes on the Deepawali day. Also, Navratri is celebrated in the honor of the Goddess. People observe fasting and give up on something very close to them for nine days. Along with the fasting, “Jaagran” are held to sing devotional songs of the Goddess through the night. The fasting is broken with worshipping mother Goddess in form of young girls. All the activities are community activities to bring the society together. Most of North Indian states perform the Jaagrans and Ram Leela in different names.
2. Himachal Pradesh - Kullu Dussehra is a world famous celebration which has become a custom ever since the 17^th century. The entire Kullu valley in Himachal recognized Lord Raghunath as its ruing deity, once patronized by the Raja Jagat Singh. At the start of the Navratri the idol of Sri Raghunath ji is saddled in a chariot and is pulled through from the temple to the central ground where it stays for the duration of Navratri. During this time, the entire ground is filled with fairs. On the last day, the chariot is pulled back towards the temple and on the way, the procession stops by on the banks of river Beas where a pile of hay is burnt to symbolize the burning of Lanka. The state government has declared the festival as an International festival to attract tourism.
3. West Bengal - West Bengal's Durga Puja is well known to the world. During Navratri, Maa Durga descends from her heavenly abode to her maternal home on the earth in the form of Durga Puja. Her coming alive is celebrated with much pomp and glitter all over West Bengal. Beautiful and extravagant pandals are constructed for the Durga Puja. The pandals are decorated with breathtaking statues of the Goddess Durga, her sons – Ganesha and Karthikeya, Lakshmi and Saraswati.
4. Gujarat - Gujarat introduced the world to its wonderful folk dance forms – Garba and Dandiya Raas. Men and women dance in vibrant clothes around a clay pot or an image of the Goddess. The clay pot with the lamp signifies the womb or the Garbha – the source of the life. This is what gives the name to the Dance – Garba. The Dandiya Raas played later with the sticks is a reminder of the maharaas danced by Lord Krishna with the ladies in Vrindavan.
5. Mahrashtra - For the Maharashtrians, Navratri is an auspicious time to initiate new beginnings, buying a new home or a car. Women invite their female friends to their homes and gift them with a coconut, beetle leaves and beetle nuts. They put haldi and kumkum on the foreheads of the married women as a gesture of 'Saumangalyam' (remaining the wife of her husband until her last breath). The Navratri celebrations in Maharashtra, especially in Mumbai, bear resemblance to Gujarat owing to its geographical proximity to the state. Each and every locality has its own garba and dandiya nights celebrations and the whole family drenches itself in the festive spirit.
6. Andhra Pradesh - Batukamma Panduga or the Festival of Flowers is a festival of feminine felicitation. This festival represents the cultural spirit of the Telangana region of the state. The women prepare a Batukamma – an arrangement of unique seasonal flowers in a stack. The stack thus consists of seven concentric layers and looks like a potter's clay cone. In the evening the women get together and arrange their batukamma in the centreof a circle. They then sing folk songs, hymns and dance together.Batukamma means coming alive of the mother Goddess. This festival thus celebrates the motherhood. On the ninth day of the festival, the women take their batukamma and set it afloat in the local water body.
7. Karnataka - The Dasara of Mysore needs no introduction. Celebrated in the same historic fashion as started by Raja Wodeyar in 1610 at Srirangpatnam. Raja Wodeyar had rekindled festivities once done by the Vijayanagara kings. The Mysore Dasara festival is marked by its main event – lightening of the Mysore palace. It is said that the palace is illuminated with the help of about 1 lakh(100,000) bulbs every evening for ten nights and approximately Rs 10 crore(Rs 10,000,000) is spent towards maintenance of illumination procedure every year. On the Vijayadashmi day, a large procession is held on the streets of Mysore. The main attraction of the procession is the idol of Goddess Chamundeswari atop an elephant on a 750 kg gold mandapa.
8. Tamil Nadu – The households in Tamil Nadu celebrate Navratri by decorating Golu in their homes. At the same time, it is a custom to invite other married women to one's home and offer them a gift. The gift consists of bangles, earrings, vermillion, turmeric and other items reminiscing of their marital status. Along with these items, a coconut, beetle leaves and nuts are also included in the gift. It is a common belief that the offering is a prayer for their husbands and their long life.
9. Kerala - Kerala is known to have the highest literacy rate in the whole of India. Possibly their devotion to the Goddess Saraswati is something to be credited for. Unlike the rest of the country, Keralites celebrate Navratri only on the last three days were they worship Goddess Saraswati. They celebrate their books, knowledge and consider these days as the most auspicious to initiate learning.

There may be more than the above ways to celebrate. But the common theme seen is happiness, community get together, respect for all and working together. Not sure if the festivals are loosing their charm or our dictionaries to find meanings have changed. 

Celebrating Navratri through toys – Golu

I have been visiting my Tamil friends' home celebrating navratri and looking at their Golu. Out of curiosity and my interest in knowing their culture, we have always discussed the various aspects of the ritual and the festival. This year our kids started showing interest in observing the arrangement. And thus came the idea for this article. A lot of the information here is well known to many and can be found on many websites or other blogs. So please do not charge me with plagiarism for the common knowledge!

Golu or Kolu is an arrangement of dolls usually done in the Tamil and Telugu households. Also known as Bommai Kolu iin Tamil, Bombe Habba in Kannada, Bomma Gullu in Malyalam and Bommala Koluvu in Telugu. In Tamil, Golu or Kolu means the divine presence and in Telugu it means a court of toys. Some call it Golu while other call it Kolu. Since it represents an 'arrangement' of toys on the steps, it could have been derived from the word kolum – an arrangement of dots which is used to draw complex rangoli.

It is a belief that the divine presence is maintained in the house through the arrangement of the dolls and the Goddess herself visits the household blessing them and driving the evil away. The kolu dolls represent the victory of good over evil.

The dolls used for decoration are usually from our Indian mythology depicting the various tales. The dolls are arranged on steps that are always in odd numbers. The household determines the number of steps depending upon the number of dolls available or the convenience. Setting up of steps and dolls can be very effort taking and space consuming. The kolu setup displays the thought process of the household and their creativity. Some households try to be creative and create themed scenario depicting an idea either for fun or giving a story to the onlookers. In the arrangement, the top three steps usually contain the dolls representing Goddess Durga, Lakshmi, Saraswati and the Gods Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh and other gods. The next three steps are for saints, teachers and other people of importance. The next step (seventh from top) may have dolls representing customs or marriage and other family traditions. The eighth step or last but one is the place for the famous Chettiyar and Chettichi dolls representing the prosperity. On the last step, the traditional wooden dolls – Marpachi dolls are kept. The wooden dolls are handed over through generations and must be decorated well before putting in the kolu.

There are some dolls that have become the staple of every kolu. They may differ in size or vary a little in color but are very easily identifiable. These are –

• Marapachi Bommai – For togetherness – 'Mara' means wood and 'pachi' means carved. Its origin can be traced back to Andhra Pradesh. It comes as a pair of husband and wife. Usually the dolls are not clothed, leaving some fun activity time for children to dress them up before it is being displayed. They represent the togetherness and bonding between a couple.
  
  
• Chettiar Bommai – The signs of prosperity – An old, bulbous and wealthy looking couple. Any kolu is completely incomplete without this couple. The Chettiar community is traditionally associated with being a business community. In addition to the dolls, a handful of grains, rice and jaggery is placed in front of them to make the typical Chettiar kadai- the grocery shop. The couple stands for growth, prosperity and happiness.

• Dasavathram - The 10 Incarnations of Lord Vishnu – In a golu of stories, this set has plenty to fill days and nights. Children are drawn towards the story usually told by grandparents and it becomes a good chance to familiarize them with these most loved and oft-repeated stories from Hindu mythology.

• Rama set – Wife, companion and faithful servant
• The big fat Indian wedding – Gods and goddesses getting married are a favourite display of many kolu. Some display the baaraat scene, some the Srinivasa Kalyanam – which is the marriage of Lord Narayanan and Goddess Lakshmi blessed by the other Gods and Goddesses, some have the Meenakshi Kalyanam and some have a regular couple getting married, accompanied by musicians on the nadaswaram and percussion.

• Shiva, Parvathi and family

• Tanjavur Bommai – dolls that rock – Tanjavur or Tanjore is known for its uniquely painted moving dancer dolls. An all-time children's favorite, they are very beautiful and vibrant to look at, and come in different colours. Each part is balanced on the one below and with one touch to the bottom most piece, the effect derived is very similar to that of a dancer.

Kolu arrangement is a good family and community event. While decorating their own house, the entire family is involved and is a great chance for the kids to learn about their culture through the stories from each of the dolls. Also as a customary practice, the women and children visit other households and view their kolu in South India. This way they not only learn about stories others have depicted, but also get a way to get connected.

At the start of the navratri ceremonies, the Goddess is invoked and is established in a Kalash topped with a coconut. This kalash is well decorated and covered with cloth and is placed along with the Marapachi dolls and is worshipped all the days. Finally on the Vijayadashmi or the Dussehra evening, one of the dolls is symbolically put to sleep and the kalash is moved to the North to mark the end of Navratri kolu.

Teamwork

Dakhsha Prajapati is a famous character in Hindu Mythology. Most of us remember him as a loving father who adored his daughter and doted her so muc that he did not approve of her marrying a hermit. His only flaw being the love of his daughter that eventually drove him to limits of sanity and eventually claimed the life of his daughter – Uma and thus forced Shiva to perform the tandav.

What we overlook is that Brahma created Daksha as his son to be a "Prajapati" – a provider for his creation and help Brahma's creation grow. Of all the Brahma's son, Daksha was chosen to be a ruler who would create a mankind and would establish ways for it to grow. He was known to be the skilled one in every field and hence got the name – Daksha. He is known to have more than a thousand sons.

Once Daksha wanted to teach his sons important lesson for future. He invited them all to his palace for a grand feast. He asked his cooks to prepare the best of the food and make sure that they cater to the needs and favorites of each of his sons. On the day of the feast, when all the sons arrived his palace, he asked them to sit in columns facing each other. When all of the sons were seated, he spoke to them about a few rules for the feast –

1. No one should waste any food served to them – This is considered an insult of the food and indirectly to the host
2. No one should bend their arms to be able to eat the food – The arms are where the strength lies, bending the arms are like showing weakness

Some of his sons left the feast listening to the rules calling it an insult to their dignity. Some were seen to be lying on the floor with their faces smeared with with the food as they tried to eat it directly from their mouth. Daksha was disgusted at the sight and was about to resturn back to his antechamber filled with sadness, when he heard sounds of laughter and burps. He turned around to see a group of his sons laughing and enjoying the feast. He looked at them affectionately and saw an innovative solution to his rules – they did not bend their hands but chose to feed the person in front of them from their plates! Daksha was thrilled – he had taught his sons the lesson of teamwork.

I had read this story in a book by Devdutta Pattnaik a few months ago. When I saw this rendition from Caritas International (See blow - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhU5JEd-XRo), the story just reverberated itself. As important as it can be, there is no alternative to teamwork and the food must be respected. It is our lifeline and some of us are really fortunate to have enough of it. Just the thought of not having enough food for future invokes the animal instincts in us that drive us away from humanity. Remember – we worship 'Pashupati nath' for having overcome the animal instincts and not relishing them.